NAH, I'M GOOD.

I am no longer committed to making you understand me.

When I was younger I had this really bad habit of wanting to have the last word with my Aunt in arguments or feeling the need to explain myself further when I recognized someone didn't understand me. For some reason (I now know it was for validation and a need to get my point across) I felt it was a necessary thing to make sure I was always completely understood. So much so, that if I found a rebuttal hours later, I'd revisit the conversation to ensure everything was clear.

That honestly took a toll on me. As I've grown through life, I have found that there are people who are genuinely committed to not understanding you. Not in a way that they do not want to know who you are, but in a way that they hold an expectation of you and unless you meet it, you're invaluable to them. At least your opinion is. So it's more of a projection.

Look at it like this: Overall we are here for a reason. We all have a purpose on Earth and so we all have an image of how things will be, ideally. So if I am a close-minded being, I have no ability to see you in any other light than the desirable light that either I have created for you or the you that is within that comfort zone you showed me when we first met because, well it didn't disrupt my image. That is if you wish to remain in my life.

However, an open-minded person will be able to accept you and see you in any light you show them Monday through Sunday, they are able to detach their tainted image of what life "should" be like with you in it, because honestly, what you have going on is your own.

So now I bask in my ability to be clear and concise with conversation. My capability to acknowledge when someone is not actually listening and being okay with it. I love that I am able to have conversation through confrontation because, I am committed to understanding people. I understand that overall we have our own issues separate from one another. That is really a large part in why or how we respond to things the way we do in this life.

I do believe this quality is difficult to come by, so I thank God that He has trusted me with it. But let's keep in my mind something new I have to grow through: expecting me in everyone else.

OOPS.